I’m… having a crap day today. It’s yuk and overcast in melbourne, and cold, and i’m over it!
I’ve been working for a government agency in a call centre. The job isn’t bad as far as call centre work goes and it pays well. I was on a temp assignment which finished tomorrow. Yesterday, i went thru interviews / assessments for the full-time positions. I didn’t really enjoy being assessed (again! same tests for the THIRD TIME) via the recruitment agency.
I feel torn. I have credit card debt to repay. A substantial amount. Thats my main motivation for doing the job. Beyond that… well i don’t know if i’d be here.
I’ve thought over and over, that i could go home to Merimbula. It’s a small coastal town in New South Wales – population 4500. What holds me back is that i feel there is less opportunity for me there. That, and i don’t have any friends there, apart from my whole family of course.
A friend wrote an email to me – which is funny. She’s moved away to a country town and is loving it. She’s made new friends, and has made peace with not being in the city anymore. She’s made the step i’m thinking of.
The city… leaves so much to be desired. When i was up in merimbula for my pa’s passing, i had hopes and dreams of coming back down to melb and catching up with old friends. But honestly, once i got settled down here, i can’t be fucked.
I’ve got myself a pad in a big house. I’ve got the downstairs basement / studio room, it’s quite large. But i’m not overly happy here. Too many cars, people don’t talk to each other. I’m craving that country feel.
I think life its something worlh enjoying – but i don’t feel i’m enjoying it here. I feel isolated! crazy but true. If i’m working all the time, where do i catch up with friends.
In my ideal life, the one i want, envisage, and desire, i’m surrounded by people who have their shit mostly together. Down here, what i’ve seen more and more, in both old friends i’ve left behind (you know the ones), and even new friends, is that people arn’t connected. They’re stressed out. Too much going on. It’s like a big make believe party but very few are real and themselves. Everybody seem sto have a friggin drama! I’m OVER IT!
I don’t know if merimbula will do it for me. I’m scared i’ll feel alone up there. I really want to be around good friends. I really want to focus on my music, writing, and cvreativity. I really desire to have a spiritual life. But where is that life?
I feel lost… not sure at all what to do, and dealing with a crazy mix of contradictions, pro’s and con’s, and most of all, lack of clarity.
Through this, i’m remaining semi-sane. Been hanging out with friends, n drinking and smoking more then is good for me. I’m over that too! I want o be around people who enjoy life without needing an ‘enhancement’ to make it enjoyable.
It all sounds doom and gloom, however it’s not. But today, i just didn’t bother going into work. I didn’t feel fit to get out of bed till 1! walked down the way overpriced jewish corner store and bought a pastry.
Society seems to lost it’s way, and i’m caught up in the middle of it. Where has all the good, decent, and normal people gone???
I’m asking for resolution… and i keep seeing 222 everywhere! (Since i left merimbula actually)
There is a car parked outside my place right now with 222 on the numberplate!
Here’s a few explanations i’ve found for it :
222 – This is a sign of confirmation that you are on the right path, doing the right thing and going in the right direction. Continue with this train of thought.
222 – The ascension process, regaining and rebirth.
222 — Our newly planted ideas are beginning to grow into reality. Keep watering and nurturing them, and soon they will push through the soil so you can see evidence of your manifestation. In other words, don’t quit five minutes before the miracle. Your manifestation is soon going to be evident to you, so keep up the good work! Keep holding positive thoughts, keep affirming, and continue visualizing.
I’m hoping with blind faith, resolution comes soon…
A.
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